It felt like daggers. Surrounding my skin and taking every inch captive. I could see walls of white all around, my hands slipping to every touch. My ankles were bound together with panic. I couldn't swim, but I couldn't allow myself to sink. Behind my brown eyes built a pressure, a lack of oxygen to my brain, my blood, my heart. My lungs faught hard against my bones, determind to crack just for a breath. The tears blended in with the rest of the water. I couldn't tell which peice of dismay was mine. They meant nothing. They do nothing, these tears. Just holding me underwater with the rest of their angst. I tell myself - No, Fight. Fight more, don't lose yet. My hair is like silk, softly brushed away by the silence around me.I dig my nails into the cold sheets before me. Shake it loose, shake the worry off. Some hidden scream climbs up my throat and I'm struggling to make them hear. Climbing taller and faster. Harder and sterner. My heart will never grow cold, the ice will not freeze the only thing I have left.
Right. That was shitty but this is my blog and I write what I please. I can't wait to remember I had a blogger when I'm like 30, and look back and laugh at all the silly things I've written.
I'm watching this movie called "Elephant." I'm fairly certain it's based on Columbine, but it's not that bad. Except the scene I'm watching now just showed the three "prissy" girls, and they bitched about how much fat is in their salad dressing, then gossiped about a boy they want to fuck, who has a girlfriend, and then made the riveting plans to go shopping later. Now theyve all walked into the stalls said something about "the weird girl in gym" and all three proceeded to puke their brains out. Together, like true bffz. How sweet.
"Hurricane Streets" was one earlier, and I loved it so much. It's such an incredible movie.
I need to read some new books.