Wednesday, December 30, 2009

hundreds of pairs of eyes all holding the same thoughts.
Originated ages ago, twisted and turned, chewed up and spit out into all these different shapes, yours are not yours alone.
I wonder if I'll always be caught in this wind, ripped to both sides of this war between logic and heart.
Why can't I just use both?
"Easier said than done."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

where will

you be when your looks run dry and that pretty face isn't as it was?

Monday, December 21, 2009

I'm half a person. But the half I am is mighty strong. The half I am can still hold up a world of troubles, yours too.
I will create the other half in time, so soon I shall feel whole within the comfort of my own skin. I come off confused and cloudy sometimes, but it doesn't change the fact that my heart is pure, my mind is wise. I know I deserve more than what's been given to me lately. I know that I deserve as much as I give.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

not as though eyes will meet this.

I reach out so much. My arms are so heavy with the burden of carrying all this love. This love for the world and the people in it, this ability to care more than most.
Not once did I ever question the way I felt about things, I never thought that wanting to give someone everything would drive most away.
It's like I've spent my entirety searching for a hand to hold, for some slight bit of compassion. And I get a quaint facade of it, led on by all means until the floors pulled our from under me and I land right on my heart.
It's all my fault, for thinking into things so much. And maybe these words scare people, but at least I can say I'm honest. I am not afraid to spill these words out because I'd rather it this way then participating in "the game."
At least I'm a little closer than most.
I know I deserve more.
I've been told since day one that I deserve the world, that I'm a rare kind of girl and I trust in these words.

I'll carry a specific person's message with me always in the back of my mind; "a girl with looks like yours and mind to match, is so rare. Any man will be lucky to have you, it would be an honor if anything."

I'll miss you, and every single time I start to sink in self doubt, I will think of you.

R.I.P. John <3

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fuck Time.

I don't like the last few days. I like parts, the parts I set up to be hopeful outlets, but deep down I know I'm being stupid. I know that it's stupid to ever think people would change, or that their intentions are in fact not what they so convincingly claim to be true. People don't change. Second chances aren't real, and I'm feeling more empty then where I left off. When will I learn, when will I think with wits rather than heart. Though I love that part most about me, it's going to be my downfall. My heart will ruin me.
I know I'll be OK, I just have to pay attention and listen up. I can never let my guard down.

Time is supposed to heal but it just helps me remember what I wish I didn't.