the words I can't find but found in someone else.

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.
- Marianne Williamson

I am so tired. Kaylee is missing her upper face. balls.

stuck in my head all night!

yes please

I'm exhausted.

I feel like I need to love less.
it makes me crazy.

Training myself not to care about being second best all the time.
it's all i've ever been anyways, and i'm not being emo or looking for pity or trying to sound sad, it's true. Only once was I equal, if not more.

I want to sleep forever and not go to work.
and if I should wake I hope its to a lit up world where my dreams have a fraction chance of coming true.
and in MA.
and on a comfier (...is that a word?) mattress.
and so that my eyes don't feel dried out.
and where my heart doesn't feel so heavy.
and where I'm relaxed and NOT THINKING ALL THE TIME ABOUT STUPID THINGS.
just plain not over thinking.
just simplicity.

modest as a mouse
with a lion heart.

Ian Macarthur

Sometimes it blows my mind that the skulls walking around me are filled with devastation and angst.

The way people stare out past the glass of their cars or on buses, seeing them work through something in their mind with a trace of sadness across their face, it isn't supposed to be like this.

but pain is a lesson.
and that's the only way I can justify not asking them if they're okay.