Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Death has weird affects on people, granted I fucked up & fully commit to my responsibility to fix it, but it's still surprising how big it a toll it took on my state of mind. I gotta keep that PMA! and understand I'm not going to change the world, my constant bickering of how unfair it is that money is number one won't do a damn thing. Unfortunately I have to do all the shit society has trained me for to survive. Lame. I don't want to conform, but I don't want to be homeless either.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Just finished this, it was really moving. The way it was filmed was beautiful also, my stomach sank for miles. I don't think I'll hear him the same after this, truely dark and sad. I think everyone should rent/buy this when they've got time in.
I never meant for it to grow like this.
When I'm up there, singing, they don't understand how much i give
and how it effects me
and now they want more, and they expect me to give more...And I don't know if i can.
Its like it's not happening to me, but someone pretending to be me; Someone dressed in my skin...And now we're going to America.
I've no control anymore, I don't know what to do."
Sunday, March 28, 2010
My leg's are freezing and my circulation is fucked, I can't even sit pocahontas without getting pins and needles in my feet. Body, why do you hate me?
Movies I want to see as of today:
1. The United States of Leland
2. Twelve and Holding.
4. The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things
Also, I want to buy a new dress and a lot of new books. Overqualified looks really good, and Solipsist is turning out a lot better than I expected, though I have to be in a wicked cynical mood to read it. And lately I just want to be happy.
I had to explain to my mother that bad moods are contagious and that's why I've been miserable, with my sister's constant bitching about how awful her life is and my parent's bickering, it's only natural I pick up the negativity and hate on every living creature with balls enough to cross my path.
I'm getting "Stay Sweet" tattooed on me somewhere because of this.
Off to pinhead susans with my babyboo
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
You make my stomach ache in the sweetest way possible. You give my lips a new sensation with every thought of your hands and your lips. There is another story behind your gaze, and I fear that I will someday come to know it.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I need to win against myself in this one. I need to train my mind to a positive tune.
"....In this world, they choose to see me,
they choose to see me
like a setting sun
so it's up to me,
i have to see me,
i have to see me
like the rising one."
I am my own worst enemy.
This is how it will and always remain, and the more I worry about other people's intentions the more I step on split ends.
People are going to be stupid, They are going to lack a respect for me and my happiness/relationships, it's the fact that if the one's that I so truly care about go along with it, then maybe they were never worth it from day one.
But I really feel like this boy is different. He's the first person I've been able to trust in ages, absolute ages.
Things that would usually weird me out don't with him, I don't find myself living in a constant state of approval from him.
I'm so happy.
So people who read this, if any at all, please just respect me and leave it alone.
Don't interrupt something that I've been craving for forever, please.
and if you're that heartless than you can burn in hell with your greedy worthless heart.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I hate needing any reassurance or glorious amount of affection to know that things are good.
I don't know why I feel like there's a void and I don't know why I can't blame anyone aside from myself, with everything I wish I could.
I need to stop worrying.
Fuck I'm good enough, BETTER than good enough.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
-Henry Rollins, Solipsist
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
1. You forget 90% of your dreams. Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream is forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone.
2. Blind people also dream. People who became blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion.
3. Everybody dreams. Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder). If you think, you are not dreaming, you just forget your dreams.
4. In our dreams, we only see faces that we already know. Our mind is not inventing faces – in our dreams we see real faces of real people that we have seen during our life but may not know or remember. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces throughout our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.
5. Not everybody dreams in color. A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. Studies from 1915 through to the 1950s maintained that the majority of dreams were in black and white, but these results began to change in the 1960s. Today, only 4.4% of the dreams of under-25 year-olds are in black and white. Recent research has suggested that those changing results may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to color media.
6. Dreams are symbolic. If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. Whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.
7. Emotions; The most common emotion experienced in dreams is anxiety. Negative emotions are more common than positive ones.8. You can have four to seven dreams in one night. On average, you can dream anywhere from one or two hours every night.
9. Animals dream too. Studies have been done on many different animals, and they all show the same brain waves during dreaming sleep as humans. Watch a dog sleeping sometime. The paws move like they are running and they make yipping sounds as if they are chasing something in a dream.
10. Body Paralysis.
Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep is a normal stage of sleep characterized by rapid movements of the eyes. REM sleep in adult humans typically occupies 20-25% of total sleep, about 90-120 minutes of a night’s sleep.
During REM sleep the body is paralyzed by a mechanism in the brain in order to prevent the movements which occur in the dream from causing the physical body to move. However, it is possible for this mechanism to be triggered before, during, or after normal sleep while the brain awakens.
11. Dream Incorporation. Our mind interprets the external stimuli that our senses are bombarded with when we are asleep and make them a part of our dreams. This means that sometimes, in our dreams, we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it in a way. For example you may be dreaming that you are in a concert, while your brother is playing a guitar during your sleep.
12. Men and women dream differently. Men tend to dream more about other men. Around 70% of the characters in a man’s dream are other men. On the other hand, a woman’s dream contains almost an equal number of men and women. Aside from that, men generally have more aggressive emotions in their dreams than the female lot.
13. Precognitive Dreams. Results of several surveys across large population sets indicate that between 18% and 38% of people have experienced at least one precognitive dream and 70% have experienced déjà vu. The percentage of persons that believe precognitive dreaming is possible is even higher, ranging from 63% to 98%.
14. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.
15. You can experience an orgasm in your dreams. You can not only have s e x as pleasurable as in your real life while dreaming, but also experience an o r g a s m as strong as a real one, without any wet results. The sensations felt while lucid dreaming (touch, pleasure and etc..) can be as pleasurable and strong (or I believe even stronger) as the sensations experienced in the real world.