Here's the deal.

I will not, and can not, respect anyone who doesn't respect themselves.

If you stroll around making weak attacks at people, because of the way they look, or anything else of that nature, you should just get fucked.

I see the facade you build around yourself, hurting others to hide your own insecurities. It's pathetic.

Wipe off your spray tan, unplug the booth, and save your money for college. Give your skin a break and wash off the piles of caked on make-up on your face. Quit trying to impress dudes with your cleavage, and lack of knowledge. As horny, and as scummy as most dudes are, in the end, most of them want a girl they can take home to mom. At least the ones I know do.

Reconnect your brain to your body, seriously. You're body will run out, it WILL become riddled with wrinkles, and you WILL become old. So you might need your brain to fall back on eventually. Just letting you know what's up.

ANYWHO.

Today I drove Kaylee to her boyfriends house, out in Averill Park. The drive was so long, and quiet. It felt tense, just like the whole entire house has since the accident. I just want everyone to stop fighting about the car, and grow up. Stop putting me in the middle. And stop coming to me for advice if all you're going to do is tell me I'm wrong, or scream your lungs raw that you don't agree. You asked, and I answered, deal with it.

Kaylee and her boy are so cute, and it makes me wish harder that I had someone. I know I'm pretty enough, I know I'm smart enough, and I know I've got enough heart to give. I just am way to shy, and I gotta grow my backbone hard enough to where people stop underestimating me, stop pushing me around because I'm so "cute," or so "adorable," or so "quiet." Like, I know being cute and adorable and shy are good qualities, and at the risk of sounding egocentric, I don't do it on purpose, I just am I guess. So if they're so good, why do people walk all over me? Why do they feel the need to push me until I show some kindof outburst? It's so annoying. Really that's all it is, an annoyance.

So anyway, the hour and a half drive home was lonesome, but it was soooo relaxing. All the windows down, the smell of pine trees drifting in and out from under my nose. God, I couldn't ask for a better drive. I love the smell of pine trees, the sound of gravel grumbling under the car. I love seeing the veiw ahead of mountains and the trees just adopting their new fresh leaves. I want to go on a hike soon, or go camping. I want to just do something outdoorsy and spend time with all of my friends before we split for college. Maybe I should rent the cabin in Babcock Lake for me and my friends and just have a party. Except, this time, I hope the friggen lion thing or cougar or whatever it was DOESN'T try and eat my dog. Poor P-nut. He's such a little nerd.

I feel like the more I write, the more people get the wrong impression of me. That I'm some kindof cocky, full-of-hate, bitch.

1. Don't confuse guarded heart for cocky.

2. That cycle is far over with, been there, done that.

3. Never.

but I thought this was funny; BITCH; Babe In Total Control of Herself.

so if that's the case, then yeah. I'm a babe in total control of myself, whasss uppppp.

Someone come hang out right now, It's only 11. I want a good conversation, and I want to cook food for a lot of people. Random.

I want a boy ahhhfjadklsfjals;

hips to hips

lips to lips

heart to heart

nothing will break.