Saturday, January 24, 2009



and more fucking money.

I'm trying to figure out how i'm going to pay for school, rent/bills, car, personal, groceries, and everything in between. If California DOES happen, It really is all up to me to put everything in place. I NEED to stop procrastinating and being lazy, my mind always wonders back to the past, and i think about it more than I can think about my future. I know j.d. is reading this and I know he's going to say "but i'm here to help!" and I know you are ju, but I have to do some of this on my own. It'll help me grow up. Look how good everything turned out for you and you started off not knowing a soul in cali, and now youre all set. I want to have the struggle, I want to grow from my expeirences. It sounds so dumb because I want the hard way, So it'll help me figure out who I am and put my life together. But the other half of me is screaming "take the easy way!! find an easier way!!" but i'm so sick of being lazy. ughgjfklasdjfa. I'm so frustrated! But I'm destined to do something great with my life. I want to at least, so i'm going to make it happen.
On a lighter note, I love everything else about life right now. I honestly have no idea. I think since I broke up with mike I've had a surge of self-acceptance and self-respect. I grew a back bone and got rid of the one person I loved because He treated me like fucking shit. No matter how much I cared, or tried, he didn't. and He didn't care so I took it into my own hands and did what was right for me. I couldn't be happier. I don' t give two shits what anyone else could think or say about me, as long as I'm happy with myself, who the fuck cares?
I sound like a broken record. It's like every thing I write goes back to the same thing.
I bought p-nut a new toy the other day, and he's already chewed thru it's feet. Sierra's party was SO much fun last night! her cousin is a riot, shes so sassy. I wish I could have stayed but we can't drive past 9ish. so yeah.
okay. I have to clean my room before my mom rips my face off.


  1. Well, to the later shit, I don't think my face has ever been ripped off for slacking. lol

    But anyway, it's understandable to want to struggle. You want to know just how strong you are, or you're going to find out at least, and how far you can make it on your own steam. If it does happen then yeah, you have jd to fall back on, but doing stuff on your own is going to strengthen you a lot. I mean, I'm never going to cali or anything, but I'm still going to try to find a path that lets me stand on my own two feet, and not step on anybody elses.

    If you ever need help with anything, you know it's close by. :)

  2. I will always help you out but I won't do things for you, remember you still gotta help pay the bills. I am gonna give you friendship and a roof over your head so you will have only school to worry about and not other things. i love you boo and would never let anything bad happen to you. I have been as much of an individual as I could be and I got walked all over I just dont want the same thing to happen to you, that's why I am your best friend :D