Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm so incredibly bored at the moment.
I remember some years ago I always borrowed people's dreams. I would find someone I could get along with because there was something in them I wanted to have, something that I wanted to be like me. I think that could be partially why I ended up getting so hurt all the time. I wasn't living by my terms, my dreams. It was all someone else.
But now, after my last relationship, I've become so involved and intertwined with my dreams, and my future. He treated me like shit, honestly no guy had ever hurt me like that. And i'm so fucking done with all of that bullshit. A guy WILL love me for who I am, take it or leave it, I will never fucking adapt to what a person wants me to be ever again. and I feel so stupid for even doing it in the first place, I was a blindly in love girl, all i wanted in life was a boy and home, simple. but now things have changed, to me now that seems like a stupid idea. I'm going to make my own way, make my own money. College will change everything, high school is so dramatic and immature and downright pathetic. It's filled with people running for a beauty contest; and i don't believe thats how life should be lived, at least mine won't be. I know i'm pretty, and I have a gold heart, and I love everything about myself - mind you not on an arrogant cocky level, just acceptance, which i feel is really rare in girls my age. I love english, and literature. I love shakespere and his underlying lessons. I love analyzing the old ways of spoken proper english, where people pronounced library correctly. I love everything about it, and I want to get my phd in english. i WILL get my phd in english, regardless of the obsticles and all the hard work. I'm going to have an AUDI TT and my dreams will come true. a guy will come along and fall into place, but as of now i'm not looking.