Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Story of my life.

Why does my mind keep wandering back to the places I'm trying to lock out? I don't understand why I'm thinking like this. Who cares? It's already made me a happier person, this whole situation has made me a better person. Is that possible in such a short amount of time? Is it worth it, the time I have left in this state, is it really worth it to pursue this. I want too. I'd like too. I most likely will end up doing so, even though I know theres a limit until I have to move. My heart is contridicting every thought. In a good way. I'll start to think something stupid, like what would people think. And I'll cancel it out with "I laugh." I haven't laughed in so long. Not like this. My friends are happy, so I am too. I've thought about it for three years. Three. and I didn't really think anything of it. I didn't think it would happen. I'm happy it did. I found something, in someone, I didn't expect to find. I know that nothing would break it, nothing would destroy what I could have. Except me. I won't screw things up this time like I do with everything else. I won't procrastinate, I won't silently fight these good thoughts, I won't let what anyone thinks affect this. Not. Even. Me. Reading this over it sounds like I'm skeptical, like I'm unsure of what I want exactly. Yet I can see what I want, clearly in mind it's there. I just need to push these bad thoughts back, kill these insecurities, these what ifs, these "buts." It's wrapped tightly in every song I admire, twisting into honor, intwining with hope. One Life. One Chance. I'll do what I love, and fuck the rest.


  1. if you are happy now then go for it, I know exactly what this is about and I say make the last few months in NY enjoyable, don't hold back. If you like this person then who knows what'll come of it. Don't revolve everything around the fact that in 5 months you may be moving, do what will make you smile always cause sometimes that's all you got to keep you happy and content.

  2. Okay, I honestly have no clue what this is about, but reading the last comment I think it'd be mitchell? not sure.

    If you'd like to tell me, that'd be cool lol. But regardless of what it may be, go for it. A lot of people are held back by things like what their friends will think, or is there really time to do this?, and other shit like that. Just go for it, you live once. And if your friends realize that you're happy, then anything they may have said will die out. I'm shooting in the dark here, but I say that you just do this, whatever it may be, and forget what anybody else thinks. You're the important one.