Why does my mind keep wandering back to the places I'm trying to lock out? I don't understand why I'm thinking like this. Who cares? It's already made me a happier person, this whole situation has made me a better person. Is that possible in such a short amount of time? Is it worth it, the time I have left in this state, is it really worth it to pursue this. I want too. I'd like too. I most likely will end up doing so, even though I know theres a limit until I have to move. My heart is contridicting every thought. In a good way. I'll start to think something stupid, like what would people think. And I'll cancel it out with "I laugh." I haven't laughed in so long. Not like this. My friends are happy, so I am too. I've thought about it for three years. Three. and I didn't really think anything of it. I didn't think it would happen. I'm happy it did. I found something, in someone, I didn't expect to find. I know that nothing would break it, nothing would destroy what I could have. Except me. I won't screw things up this time like I do with everything else. I won't procrastinate, I won't silently fight these good thoughts, I won't let what anyone thinks affect this. Not. Even. Me. Reading this over it sounds like I'm skeptical, like I'm unsure of what I want exactly. Yet I can see what I want, clearly in mind it's there. I just need to push these bad thoughts back, kill these insecurities, these what ifs, these "buts." It's wrapped tightly in every song I admire, twisting into honor, intwining with hope. One Life. One Chance. I'll do what I love, and fuck the rest.