Wednesday, February 11, 2009

hold fast.

I'm finally done. Done feeling sorry for the people I left behind so long ago. Nice girls do finish last, that's the honest truth. But it's more important to me to keep my heart open and full of hope for a better expeirence after each bad. I'd rather be real. I'd rather be honest, with myself and everyone else. I'd rather be true to my own dreams. Someone I knew decided it would be a great idea to accuse me of not caring. Not wondering how they've been doing the past few months, when they themself has not even asked me how i've been. Caring is my life. It's why I'm always fucked over. It's why I'm always getting hurt; I care too much, and often too much about the wrong people. It doesn't matter. I'm so suprised in myself for how I handled everything, The old me would've sulked for days on end about a ruthless, pathetic plea for attention. But I know in my heart I did all I could, I loved as much as I could. I cared for as long as I could. Besides, everything I put up with taught me a lesson. I wouldn't trade these scars for anything; the lessons I hold in my mind are more valuable than any materialistic, or ideal thing. My messy past, full of woe and pain; it was all worth it. Every moment, every tear. And I'm so happy. I love who I've become. A strong, beautiful, intelligent, and hopefull hearted woman. I know what I want. I've got my head on straight and my sights set on my dreams. I won't change for a boy ever again - they should accept me for who I am now. I'm so proud of myself for coming so far. I don't get hung up on snide remarks, I just throw it back in their faces 5 times harder. I love it, I love the intimidation of the future. I love the bumpy roads I have to go through to get there. I've got the confidence, the drive, and the mind. Nothing can be better. I feel I have every reason to be a little cocky. I'm so in love with my life. Honestly!

"What counts is that we struggle to find the strength in our hearts
to make the days this is the hardest breath, that we can fucking breathe
is that we struggle to find the peace that exists within our hearts"

1 comment:

  1. I am very very proud of you! You are the most amazing friend ever and I can't wait till you are out here! Never change, cause you are a rare find. If a guy can't like you for you then he is an idiot! always remain the same, can't picture you any other way! love you pebbles and will always care about you!