Monday, March 16, 2009


This young and I'm already feeling suffocated. So many miles to cover, so many places I'd rather be. I need to get out of here. Away from the same crowds, the same groups, clicks. It's all the same. No matter where I go in this state, I always feel something familliar, something or
someone I don't want to feel near me. Memories are swarming around me every place I go to, the harder I try to push them away the more they fight to stay. Society is putting our focus on one thing only, which is work. Work when we wake, work until we sleep. Work from birth, work
until death. I feel like the only thing meant for us is to become something society would like. To contribute to a world where everything is a beauty contest. It's all the fucking same wherever you go. High School, College, Work, It's all a fucking contest. Why can't we focus on what's really important? Ourselves. Who we fucking are. Why is there never any time, any day devoted to finding what we love, who we are, what we want from life, really, want? I have my goals in place, I know what I want to DO. But I really want, always wanted is so cliche'. Something I had
once, It was a beautiful, perfect relationship. Then it crumbled, mindless fucking twat bitches getting in the way. I let my world become a boy, I let my life be about becoming someones lover, best friend, everything all in one. That was all I ever wanted. To wake up in the arms of
the boy who I loved most, who loved me most back. It wasn't a need or an addiction of each other, It was just an untouchable bond to have. The sun would pour threw the big open windows, and blankets would be like clouds hurled underneath us as we laughed and talked and cuddled and were just together. I don't want to need anyone, I don't need anyone, I just want that company, that unbreakable relationship. That was my real dream. But I can't focus on something so small. Life is so much bigger than that, so I've come to know, to be told and reminded of day in and day out. These girly notions of true love and neverending smiles and laughs, there not what I should want so much. So I can't look for it anymore. I'm hoping that it'll just find me. Please find me. Please.
I need to get out of here. This place is so dull and so suffocating. I hate the same people. I want to go to Boston, Australia, California, Ireland. I will go there I promise on everything I have I'll be in those places at one point or another. Do what you love and fuck the rest, right? I wanna do things for myself, prove my real independence. I just don't want to be in Troy anymore. I'm going to cross all the borders, roam every mile. Have new expeirences to carry with me all throughout the rest of my life. Meet new people, make new friends, create new memories. That's what I want now. I want a happy, adventerous life. Which is usually really hard for a shy girl,
but I'll stick it out.I'm going to be making 80 thousand dollars a year, driving an Audi T.T. and playing with kangaroos and my irish wolfhounds in the backyard of Australia. It's going to
happen. This will happen.

It is happening.


  1. cheer up boo, only a few months till you are here! go look at your new dog! there is a pic on my page!

  2. Work can be more than work. If your job is something you love to do then it is a passion and a career, not a job. People work constantly to advance both themselves and their families up into the world. It's human nature and it will never change. I actually have a theory on some of this but it'd take to long to type atm, so just let me know if you wanna here it.

    As for the traveling, I plan on going places, and I'm not sure where. Whenever you plan on taking off, I'll be happy to tag along with a friend :).