I need to get this out of my fucking system.
I love being straight edge. I love my life, I love the label, I love everything about it. It's almost guaranteed trust and it's fucking perfect.
Everyone keeps telling me I won't last, or that it's wrong of me to want to be labeled, why do you care so much? (Casey Jones would be a perfect theme for this). If I'm happy why the fuck does anyone care. Shouldn't you respect me if I respect you. I don't talk down about the way you live your life, I don't tell you how to live or what you should do, or believe in. Do the same for me for God sakes. Even if you don't agree, keep it to yourself. Life is hard enough as it is, don't add to it.
And whatever happend to the golden rule we all learned in Kindergarden? "Treat others the way you'd like to be treated," no one does this anymore. I treat everyone kindly and get stepped on in return. I guess I'm a pushover because the only thing I do is bl0o0ogg about it, I don't like yelling at people or saying anything to them because I don't want them to hurt. I put people on pedestals so much, when is it my turn? I only have myself, I should've remembered that. I always hope, and it messes with my judgment terribly. ugh.
I actually feel better.
It's a bad idea to repress all this anger and pain and stress. So writing it down makes it so much easier. My best friend lives in cobleskill and she's the only one I can talk to about anything.
"Ambitions fail, complications hail all when
my insecurities all fucking prevail.
do i turn to a drink or into what i really wanna be?
is a substance gonna be the crutch thats gonna
set me fucking free?
the pressure rises and i feel the strain
the doubt begins and confusions reign
directionless where do i turn
don't fail me now the one thing that i've learned...
i've learned the strength to fucking push it aside
we know, we know i got the strength inside
you know i got it and i know it so i'll show it
to live, with pain...the choice is in my hands
thats just an anchor that'll drown you man
we know, we know you got the strength inside
to defeat the problems of our lives
without, the "crutch" ...cause we all know
life is hard enough as it is. "