Monday, October 12, 2009


My mind swirls with thoughts like an unforgivable storm. I am an over thinker, an over dreamer. I question everything that's placed in front of me, as well as every person. I sincerely don't mean too, it's just safer for me this way. It's far easier for me to wonder than to just automatically invite people in through the steel doors surrounding my heart. We've all gotten burned, we've all gotten scared from past relationships. Friends, lovers, what have you. We always move on after the healing period, but there is, for some, that nagging voice in the back of our minds that investigates absolutely intention. I am so much better than I was three years ago, and I hate myself for letting it intrude the most important parts of my life. I'm so disappointed that I let it seep through. I didn't mean to hurt anyone with it, or annoy a person in any way shape or form. It's my only flaw, and I feel like that being said the ones who matter would or should accept me for all I am. Because I do that for everyone else, no matter what imperfections they have I always adore them. Whatever though, I'm taking the advice of all my friends. Just let go.
It's easier said than done, but I've gone through harder shit than this, I should be able to ward off all these god damn thoughts.

Apart from that, I am freezing. My hands are like ice climbing across this keyboard. I had a really good day today with Amanda, I wish she didn't have to go back to Cobleskill tomorrow. She always makes me feel better and talks me out of all this stupid shit I think about. I gotta learn to do it on my own. I think distractions are in order, anything from friends, to tea, to a book. I'll figure this shit out.
I want to speak french again. I want to go to Ireland and see the lands and the people. I want to feel all the chaos that was living there until recently, or just see what it's after effects are like. It's so interesting, and it's so beautiful. I think I just want to travel the world and see all these places before I die. What's more cooler than a world road trip? NOTHING. It'd be so sweet to just go anywhere without worrying and take in all the culture and history. I'm so excited to start my life.

MOTIVATION FOR NOT SKIPPING CLASS: a Subaru WRX sportswagon, for when I'm all done and graduated and have a kick ass job as a College Professor.

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