Thursday, July 23, 2009

sleepless in new york.

The sky has moved from a swirling combination of pinks and oranges, to a deep blue. The lights of this city are hiding the stars, they refuse to peak their faces out of the dark. I'm longing for the moons company, I feel a sleepless night coming. My sleepy eyes beg for rest, my bitter heart longs for a sweet cure. I will purge my thoughts, ridding my mind of every useless and hopeless conviction. I'm chasing my own love, aching passionatly for my own acception. I won't fully abandon my hope for a boy to hold me at night, but I'll charm my thoughts away from it as much as I can. I feel like a broken record, always repeating the same subject, the same dreams and hopes. I can't help it though, I am a natural born cuddler, born to love.
I feel so anxious, theres a storm of emotions in my stomach and I can acknowledge all but one. It's a mixture of nervousness, stupidity, and longing. Fuck, I just want to laugh with someone. I don't want a serious scary thing, just a relationship with someone who can be my friend and my lover all in one.

College is next month, I get to be thrown back into the freshmen year all over again. Though this time around I'm hopeing people actually have brains. The immaturatiy in that which was high school reeked. It was the most annoying thing I think I've ever expeirenced in my entire life. I can't wait to learn more about my major, and meet new people. Even though I'm redic. shy. I wish it was simpler than this. I wish being shy wasn't such a bad thing. More importantly, I can't wait to get my own apartment and car, and start paying off my loans ASAP.

I just want to climb the tallest mountain and yell at the top of my lungs.

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