HOUR 37: still no sleep.
Soon, I hope that I will be snuggling up soon with a mug of warm tea. I'm watching A&E's Intervention simultaneously and it is so heartwrenching. But none of it seems to be shocking or new to me. I've seen most to all of this shit first hand. I feel for these people, the families I mean.
I've discovered that the most annoying sound in the world is when my mom says "fuck."
She does it in a creepy old way, the way mothers should not talk. It's my job to curse like a sailor, not hers.
Her keyboard is like a stomping ground for fingers. If her fingers were a band, they would be the blue man group. Slamming the tips of themselves and/or garbage cans, plastic bottles, etc., somehow forming a sound that makes sense. Except the music they'd come up with would be annoying and something you'd want to scream at. Maybe I should have gotten her finger headbands and sweatbands. So they could jam in style. I hate how she types with one finger at a time. She is so electronically challenged. I can't blame her for that though. I love my mom, but I find myself wanting to break free of this god forsaken place and never look back. I am becoming irked at everything she does, my sister does, dave does. Everything.
Maybe it's because the only thing I hear before I attempt to drift into dreamland is the bickering between what I thought were solid parents. They bitch at each other, screaming until tears are the only other noise. She keeps talking about a divorce. Dave keeps saying he's going to leave. Mom please don't talk to me about it. There is only so much I can take.
I don't want my step dad to leave.
He's like the father I never had.
Not again. please, please.
I hate my sister. I don't know who she is anymore, but shes tearing everything we have, we wanted, apart. Go ahead, do your drugs, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to get slivers in my knuckles from knocking on wood so much.
I need a distraction. A new book. Any suggestions?
I uploaded my toy attempt on h8space. I'm still stoked though, and I'm also stoked that at least I have a best friend I can count on, no matter what. 7 YEARS STRONG.
I would kill for a bomber's burrito. And a Dunkin Donuts Mocha Coolata, omfg.
I'm going to take my vitamins, exercise, and attempt at sleep.
Goodnight everyone. <3