Its been a long time.

always scared
always thinking
always jinxing
always worrying.

I wish it would stop.
mental flips, need to think positively.
I don't know how, "history repeats itself," and I'm always afraid it will.

my brain is on fire.

Do you think there is a world where nothing exists, where the absence is we but the substance is our product.
The air is lagging with dingy hope and there are no movements...passerbys are shells of all the things we wanted to be.
No blank stares because blank is something so universal it doesn't exist, the same as if you say a word over and over and Over again until it's lost all meaning. It doesn't exist In the heart of the creatures who lurk this nothing; unrecognizable because recognition is a dream barely laced through fingers.
Is there a place where nothing is everything, but everything is not nothing. Feeling is obsolete becausetrust doesn't exist, where hearts don't learn to mend because they were never taught to ache. Words are shadows, dark spaces to fill the crippling voids of time. Is there a place where all you can see, are lips pulled gently showing the smiles to ease your thoughts down underground, beautiful and quiet bliss, where thoughts don't pierce too deep.
Is there a place where skin quivers at even the barest breeze, and the only thing that's real are the soft kisses resting on your surface.

gotta break break break break BREAK the cycle.
time to stop loving the ones who could never love me back.
time to be logical.